So, I think today might be the last day of smoking for hubby and me. I'm not doing any fruity backflips over this. I've been smoking for almost 15 years. I know. That is really terrible. The only times I have stopped were when I was healing after appendicitis and during my two pregnancies. I honestly don't think it's the nicotine that I crave so much as the habit and going through the motions of smoking at certain times. It's a very normal thing in my life. I'm not thrilled to give it up. Yes, we'll be healthier, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, our clothes won't stink anymore, yadda, yadda, yadda. Sure our cancer chances will be less, whatever. Honestly, my driving force is thinking about the $300-$400 extra every month. Yes, smoking is that expensive for us. More than our car payment. More than our electricity bill. More than most of our bills and it's ridiculous. I will be happy to be free of this weight and crutch. I know that I will. That doesn't mean I have to be excited about it. I'm pouting. Inside I'm throwing a tantrum because "I don't wanna!" I've only got a few cigs left and I'm dreaming up the best ways to cherish and enjoy them.

Non-smokers will never undersand any of this. Think for a moment about your favorite food or snack or song or movie or book. Imagine someone said to you, this is the last time you'll ever be able to have this. This moment will soon end and you will never again be able to partake in this thing that you love so much. Ok, maybe I shouldn't compare smoking to a piece of triple chocolate cake but, the cigarette will help you lose weight while the desert will add the pounds on. Not that I'm condoning smoking as a means of losing weight. I am really worried about gaining some though. I know that my smoking has kept some of the lbs. off me and I'm not looking forward to the oral fixation that is going to need to be satisfied once I don't have that cig in my hand. I'm desperately trying to think of ways to combat the cravings. I refuse to do nicotine gum or something like that. No pills for me either. If I am going to put nicotine in my body it will be with a cigarette. Since I can't do that then I'll take no nicotine at all.

Nope. Not looking forward to this. Not really. Not much. Maybe a little. But only the outcome.

I will apologize right now to anyone in the world that has to deal with me for the next two weeks. I'm saying two weeks because that's a nice buffer zone. I have tried to quit before and I know that one of the huge things that happens is that I find it nearly impossible to hide my bitchiness. My poor poor hubby. While I'm quite certain I'll be on the receiving end of some super jerky comments while he goes through his own withdrawls from nicotine, I still feel bad for that guy. He decided for us to stop smoking on the same week that he'll be getting his monthly dose of PMS Robin. Poor schmuck. He has no idea what is coming.

I suppose I'll chronicle my journey through hell and give those trying to quit some hope. Or just remind them that it sucks to quit smoking. Seriously though, it has to be done. It's bad for you. Anyone who's ever seen an after school special can tell you that.

Here we go...